The Real Deal

Ok, I know I got you all excited by posting a new blog that contained zero goodness. I apologize. The hate mail has actually increased. So anyhow, I am going to give you the real deal now. There is much so say, and to be honest, I am sure I will forget a lot of great details. Anyhow, much has happened since my last posting. First off, I am still single and available, so anybody who knows anybody, feel free to call up. And secondly, surprisingly enough I haven't had any odd or random experiences as of late. so no new awkward stories. however, I do have a few life lessons as viewed from The Lon.
First off, ever since I was a child I always wanted to play black jack. (odd I know, but at least I had a dream) Anywho, I got to fulfill this dream a few weeks back. Some people from work arranged what is strangely called a "Fun Bus". I soon learned that said "Fun Bus" is really an excuse to get as drunk as possible before going to a casino to continue becoming more drunk. Hence the name fun in front of the bus. Continuing onward, after watching middle aged Mexicans get plastered off of Jello shooters, we made it to the scene of the crime, Wendover Nevada. I'm not sure if you have all been to Wendover so let me explain. If the dollar store were to try and make their version of Vegas, Wendover would still be cheaper than that. It is a hole in the side of a mountain in the middle of the desert. There are 4 casinos, and one McDonald's.
So I decided to be limited in my first gambling experience and I only brought $40 American. Approximately 27.34 seconds after sitting down at the first slot I had only $12.30 left. Luckily I found a slot about a Grizzly eating salmon. I didn't understand any of the details, but the pictures were nice, and I actually made out with 8 bucks, thus, a new total of $20.45. I then determined that the real money is at the black jack tables, and that not only could I make a fortune, but also live out a lifelong dream. (questions, see above) so I moseyed up to a $5 table. sat down, and on my first hand, I got a FREAKING BLACKJACK! I mean seriously what are the odds? I felt kind of stupid because I didn't know that you are supposed to flip it over first thing and tell the dealer, so he yelled at me. Nevertheless, I still got a blackjack, and my new total was $25.45. The rest of the night was kind of up and down. Anyhow, to make a long story short, After about 2 hours on the trip I was broke. my luck ran out, and I wound up going to the gas station and getting a Mountain Dew to drown my sorrows.
Gambling was definitely a complete letdown. I enjoyed myself, and the buffet between gambling splurges was so good that I almost forgot that I was out $40 and had nothing to show for it. Getting back on the "Fun Bus" was a great booster though, because not only had the Mexicans become more drunk, and thus easier to laugh at, but I had also lost the least amount of money of anyone on the bus. Shocking I know, but apparently losing $500 isn't a big deal when there is so much booze you can't remember your name. On the bus ride home, the Mexicans were finishing off the Jello shooters and we had a great thing happen. A person (who will be called Jose for anonymity's sake) was walking back with an armload of shooters when a gust of wind blew the bus sideways. All of a sudden there was a shower of shooters, and we heard a load thud as he smacked into the side of the bus. My friend asked him if he was ok, and the only response was, "No, would chew be okey eef chew heet de side of a f#$%#%# bus?" He then laid back down and was quiet for a while. After a few minutes he stood up and asked us if there were any more shooters.
Now this is just a small sampling of the blogs to come, this turned out to be much longer than I had imagined, and I am gonna call this one quits before I start in on other life lessons. However, if you liked this one, tune in tomorrow, same blog time, same blog channel. AND I AM OUT!

What am I doing up so late?

I am sure that you read the title of this blog and felt oh so enticed to read on. Therefore, I encourage you to do so. It will be short, but it goes out to my adoring public. Simply because I have gotten some hate mail. apparently there is at least one person who does read this thing. Ok, so I made that last part up, but it sounded nice. I have much to tell, but no time to tell it, so this is just you know that I haven't given up, I have only taken a hiatus. I shall return. Thank you and good night.

New Randomnessosicty

Well, I dont particularly know that I have anything new to report, but my blog looked bare. So, I will write something, but I dont know what. My roommates are watching a movie right now, and Davis, the more "intellectual" of us, is explaining the advantages of watching a movie with the subtitles. I really don't notice much of a difference, except for being distracted by the little words at the bottom. I mean seriously, who needs to know that they are whispering inaudible phrases? If the are inaudible, why do you need to have a subtitle to tell you so? Isn't a subtitle there for people who cant hear in the first place. so everything would be inaudible. I don't know. maybe I'm just crazy.
I went to a wedding today and it was a different experience than what I expected. It was good and all, but it wasn't as exciting as one would have hoped. Perhaps it was because it wasn't my wedding, but I don't know for sure. Rumor has it that when it is your own wedding all you are thinking about is the wedding night anyhow. I suppose that the wedding did contribute to my personal life in at least one way. It made me realize that I need to stop being such a lazy piece of poo and actually start dating people. So from henceforth, I am officially available. All I need now is for an attractive girl to start reading my blog so she knows.
OK, well the randomness has come to an end. Oddly enough this blog is becoming therapeutic. It's basically a good way to get my thoughts out and then get some feedback without actually talking to anyone. I am glad Al Gore invented the internet so I could have this recourse.

Chivalry is Dead to me.

Well, I can imagine that by reading this title you expect a story. So I plan on giving you one. However, there is some background info needed. At work, there is a list to sign up on so you can get off early if it is a slow call day. (I work for UPS at a call center). Anyhow, I have kinda made a name for myself by always going home early. Call me lazy if you want, but I have to be good at something, even if it is being lazy. Anyhow, there is one person who always beats me to be first on the list, and she gets to go home before I do sometimes. I take this as a challenge to my position.

So I set my alarm one half hour earlier on Friday. because we had plans to go and see Blades of Glory. I wake up and all is going well. I made it to work 45 minutes earlier than I am scheduled to start. In the back of my head I figured that would give me plenty of time to be the first on the list. So I am walking into work, and an attractive young lady walks up behind me. I being the gentleman that I WAS, opened the door and held it for her. I then proceeded to the list so i could be sure to be the first one to leave. I looked ahead and saw that this young lady was also signing up on the list. No big deal I thought, she is a different skill, and I will still be the first one to leave. When I grasped the pen and the paper, I peered at the list, and lo and behold that vermin that I had opened the door for was my only true enemy. It was the same girl that I had been competing against to be first in line. I was ashamed at having manners. And that is the story of how Chivalry died for me.

Well, it's late and I can't sleep. If you notice a sudden change in my typing it is because my pinky has healed now, and I am able to press and hold shift better. Anywho, it has been a while, and I guess that the 3 people who read this blog need to see something new. I haven't written anything because it is hard for me to remember funny stories and that seems to be what writing a blog is all about. Luckily I live with someone who experiences most of my funny stories with me, and is kind enough to remind me of what I can write.

So there I was, bored in a mall. I had seen many times those ads for Sleep Number beds. So I decided to check them out while I was there. My room mate Travis went to the shoe store while I was looking. When I was wrapping things up he came into the store. the polite sales man asked if we were together and I said yes. He kinda gave us one of those funny looks, and then went back to his desk. Then it clicked, and I said we are together, but not like that. I mean, we are friends, and we hang out....... WE AREN'T SHARING THE BED IF THATS WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW OK? At that point everyone in the whole sleep number store had dropped what they were doing and laughing out loud at us. it was a pretty embarrassing moment. We quickly left, and lets just say that I don't think I am gonna be buying a sleep number any time soon.

Other than that all is well in the little shell of a life that I have. I can't think of much else to say, so I will call it a night, and consult my blog shrink for next times edition. Same blog time, same blog channel. Adios.

Useless Talents and Mantras

Hmm, where to start? i was thinking that if i took the time to make a blog i should make at least some faint efforts in updating it from time to time. i haven't really made any astounding discoveries, or uncanny observations, but i did discover a talent i have. its not necessarily a valuable talent, but it is a talent none the less. it is the ability to get people in trouble for doing things that they haven't really done. IE. when i was younger i would sit on one end of the couch and tell my sister to stop hitting me. the entire time she was in her bedroom. but low and behold, as my mom could only hear my screams, and not see the atrocities from which i was suffering, my sister was promptly punished. I'm not sure if it is a talent i should disclose, or even brag about. i also must confess that i have never used this talent for the evil purposes that you suppose it could be used for. only as harmless jokes to get my siblings sent to their rooms, or as i did tonight, to get my roommate into trouble with his fiance. that too is a funny story, but i wont tell it because it is still too fresh to risk opening those wounds again. the half-way mark came and went last week. i only had to fail one midterm to realize how hopeless getting a respectable GPA is. maybe in my next life i will be a smart kid. but for now i have to stick to the mantra of C's and D's get degrees. i suppose that if i would actually apply myself and not worry about sleeping then i would do much better. but i think that this particular blog has become lengthy and boring. tune in for the next time i am feeling poetic.

Heres for you TJ

Well, it has been quite some time since I have blogged. My roommate seems to remind me daily, so this is for him. i dont particularly know yet what i will rant about in this particular episode. i would say valentines day, seeing as how it is today, but i dont really have much to complain about. i do prefer to call it by its lesser known, but more proper name. singleness awareness day. i learned today that working at UPS and big holidays where things need to be delivered by a certain time dont mix well. i am definately looking forward to sleeping tonight. there isnt really anything new for me beside that. i just ordered some new sunglasses, and i am pretty pumped about that, i cant wait for the summer. i miss being hot. it has been quite sometime since i have been hot. hotness is great. i never thought i would say it, but i miss it. TJ made a ver interesting observation the other day. he noticed that in the fall when it starts to get like 60 or 70 degrees we put sweatshirts on, and complain about the cold. but in the spring when it does it, we roll the windows down and bust out the flip flops and shorts. it made me chuckle because it is so true. anyhow. i guess thats all. HAPPY NOW?