The Real Deal

Ok, I know I got you all excited by posting a new blog that contained zero goodness. I apologize. The hate mail has actually increased. So anyhow, I am going to give you the real deal now. There is much so say, and to be honest, I am sure I will forget a lot of great details. Anyhow, much has happened since my last posting. First off, I am still single and available, so anybody who knows anybody, feel free to call up. And secondly, surprisingly enough I haven't had any odd or random experiences as of late. so no new awkward stories. however, I do have a few life lessons as viewed from The Lon.
First off, ever since I was a child I always wanted to play black jack. (odd I know, but at least I had a dream) Anywho, I got to fulfill this dream a few weeks back. Some people from work arranged what is strangely called a "Fun Bus". I soon learned that said "Fun Bus" is really an excuse to get as drunk as possible before going to a casino to continue becoming more drunk. Hence the name fun in front of the bus. Continuing onward, after watching middle aged Mexicans get plastered off of Jello shooters, we made it to the scene of the crime, Wendover Nevada. I'm not sure if you have all been to Wendover so let me explain. If the dollar store were to try and make their version of Vegas, Wendover would still be cheaper than that. It is a hole in the side of a mountain in the middle of the desert. There are 4 casinos, and one McDonald's.
So I decided to be limited in my first gambling experience and I only brought $40 American. Approximately 27.34 seconds after sitting down at the first slot I had only $12.30 left. Luckily I found a slot about a Grizzly eating salmon. I didn't understand any of the details, but the pictures were nice, and I actually made out with 8 bucks, thus, a new total of $20.45. I then determined that the real money is at the black jack tables, and that not only could I make a fortune, but also live out a lifelong dream. (questions, see above) so I moseyed up to a $5 table. sat down, and on my first hand, I got a FREAKING BLACKJACK! I mean seriously what are the odds? I felt kind of stupid because I didn't know that you are supposed to flip it over first thing and tell the dealer, so he yelled at me. Nevertheless, I still got a blackjack, and my new total was $25.45. The rest of the night was kind of up and down. Anyhow, to make a long story short, After about 2 hours on the trip I was broke. my luck ran out, and I wound up going to the gas station and getting a Mountain Dew to drown my sorrows.
Gambling was definitely a complete letdown. I enjoyed myself, and the buffet between gambling splurges was so good that I almost forgot that I was out $40 and had nothing to show for it. Getting back on the "Fun Bus" was a great booster though, because not only had the Mexicans become more drunk, and thus easier to laugh at, but I had also lost the least amount of money of anyone on the bus. Shocking I know, but apparently losing $500 isn't a big deal when there is so much booze you can't remember your name. On the bus ride home, the Mexicans were finishing off the Jello shooters and we had a great thing happen. A person (who will be called Jose for anonymity's sake) was walking back with an armload of shooters when a gust of wind blew the bus sideways. All of a sudden there was a shower of shooters, and we heard a load thud as he smacked into the side of the bus. My friend asked him if he was ok, and the only response was, "No, would chew be okey eef chew heet de side of a f#$%#%# bus?" He then laid back down and was quiet for a while. After a few minutes he stood up and asked us if there were any more shooters.
Now this is just a small sampling of the blogs to come, this turned out to be much longer than I had imagined, and I am gonna call this one quits before I start in on other life lessons. However, if you liked this one, tune in tomorrow, same blog time, same blog channel. AND I AM OUT!